i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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