i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
