But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The struggles of a small town man whore
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
