My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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