Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
