he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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