Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize