As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
