i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
