So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
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I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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