Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
