my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
