we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
