brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
