well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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