It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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