rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
