for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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