Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
