: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
