i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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