i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
