remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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