Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
