I think I died a long time ago.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Everything about him screamed your future.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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