I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
