i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
