Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
