you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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