She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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