Who wears a wallet chain?!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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