roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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