I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
