so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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