I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
