so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
