people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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