Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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