I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
