oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
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Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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