Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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