I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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