my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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