My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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