I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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