Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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