You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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