Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
