How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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