I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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