I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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