Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
