I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
