Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
