Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
