lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
