It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
