Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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