i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
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I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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