I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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