Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
