my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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