did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
