I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
