If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
