so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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