If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
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Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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