Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
