why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
