I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
