and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
