No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
