Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
